I heard the term energy a few months ago.   The nurses asked me. The stem cell transplant coordinator recommended it, and the staff at Kathy’s house used it.   Let's explore more about what is caregiver energy, finding your energy, and ways to maintain your energy while you are juggling all you responsibilities 

When I say to you:  "Practice self-care."  Does it turn you off or make you roll your eyes or even make you say “yah right!”?  

What about someone saying:  "Don’t forget to take care of yourself?"   What the heck does that mean?    Especially if you are in a very difficult season of your life.

When I was in Milwaukee for Denis’ stem cell transplant,  the transplant coordinator, Jeannie, talked through Denis' transplant by explaining everything to him (his medication, his chemotherapy, the extraction of his stem cells and the actual infusion, etc).   She explained the symptoms and what to expect.  She them went into what I needed to do since it was Outpatient.   She went on to say,  "It's a big job and it’s important to pay attention to your energy.  You will become fatigued and your emotions will go up and down."    She went on to say, "think about what you can do maintain your energy or refuel when you energy is low."  

Such good advice.  The nurses did the same.  They would ask me, "how are you holding up and pay attention to your energy".    Then Kathy’s house posted information during self-care month (February) on  what could boost your energy.  

It is such a great thought and different way of thinking.   It’s an overall way to look at yourself, you situation and your overall functioning each day.   

When I think of energy, it reminds me of our new puppy this week.  Puppy (Lucy)  runs and runs, plays and plays and  eventually she needs sleeps   When she gets overtired, she is sassy, barking, biting and crying.   When we have her on a schedule (eating, exercise, play time and calm time), she is much better.  

On the flip side, she is waking up very, very early (3, 4 or 5 am).  That is messing with my sleep patterns.  It's so relatable to us a caregivers too.   When our loved one has a rough night and we don't get quality sleep, we wake up exhausted.  It messes with our energy throughout the day. 

So let me dig into this whole energy thing.

What is energy in terms of your personal energy to perform your caregiver responsibilities, your job, household and anything else you need to get done each day.  The best way to explain that is the lack of energy you feel when you have done too much.  

Think about those days when you are so exhausted.  Your day was filled with the constant “go mode”.   What’s that day look like for you?   Is it getting up and jumping right into helping your loved one (breakfast, meds, getting your loved one dressed, etc) and then you can grab your breakfast and get ready for the day.   You might have laundry, dishes or cleaning to do.  Then maybe you are off to work/job and opps, you forgot to take something out for dinner.  And you then have to fit in a doctor's appointments or errands during the day. 

Then it’s dinner and your night time routine with your loved one.  

You look back at your day and it’s a big blur.  You feel like you are in auto pilot.    Did you eat something or drink enough water?  Did you get a break?  What did you do on that break?   Maybe you just kept drinking your caffeine and grabbed a muffin or chips.  

There were days at Froedert Hospital where I arrived at 7am and didn’t leave until 5:30pm.   You just sit all day but you are so exhausted and have not energy.   I call this the waiting room drain.  You just sit and don’t move your body. Then you wait in the patient room again for the doctor and have to focus on being an advocate for your loved one.    

I read this article by Mike Verano, LPC called Loving on Empty: The Energy of Caregiving.  He describes the feeling of being both exhausted and restless at the same time.  There’s so much to do and so little time to do it that the only thing I can do is to keep moving.” The physical manifestation is like taking a sleeping pill and an energy drink at the same time. The feeling of constant motion comes from the awareness that there's always seems there is something else that can be done. The exhaustion comes from the exertion, not just physical, but mental, emotional and spiritual energies.  He calls it exhaustlessness.  Caregivers runs the risk of burnout when the awareness of personal limits is ignored and exceeded. 

So that’s why finding your energy is so important.   Finding what you need to keep a steady flow of energy to you that keep you feeling healthy.  Feeling joy.  You are able to function pleasantly because you found your energy and what you need.  

The first way to finding your energy is to assess your energy levels:

• When are you exhausted and fatigued?   Is it right away in the morning because your loved one got up or your drank too much caffeine the night before and couldn’t sleep? 
• Is it sitting all day (waiting rooms or job)  with not breaks, food or water and you didn't move your body?
• Is it taking on too much? You are trying to juggle work, caregiving, household, family and more.
• Is it a difficult diagnosis and worry is getting the best of you?
• What is it for you? 

When you feel lack of energy, pull out that journal or notes app on your phone and write out what you're feeling and why.  You will start see in patterns.    

As much as I feel accomplished staying up late and getting those last minute things done on my task list or finish that work project, you have to know the next day will be hard.  

On the flip side,  embrace when you have the energy and ask yourself what you did that gave you the energy.  Was it a walk or a day off or you enjoyed a night doing your favorite hobby?

Once you’re aware of your lack of energy or better yet - more energy,  you'll want to feed your body/mind with that energy often so not to burn out.  

While a big cup of coffee or tea may do the trick for a few hours, it’s time to start thinking about the bigger picture when it comes to keeping your energy levels at a high and your sleep-deprivation to a minimum.   

Let’s go through a few tips: 

Drink lots of water – One of the many negative effects of dehydration is that it can drain your energy and cause you to feel incredibly weary. So water throughout the day can boost your energ

 Eat small, healthy meals.  There’s a reason we all feel sluggish after Thanksgiving dinner. Eating big, carb-loaded and calorie-rich meals can cause your energy levels to bottom out, which is why you should stick to smaller, high-protein meals throughout the day. Avoid quick-fix snacks, such as cookies, chips, candy, etc.   I also like to think about what food fuel your energy - fruits, veggies, healthy fats

Take a quick walk – 30 minutes is all it takes to get more oxygen into your bloodstream and on its way to your muscles and organs. Take a quick walk around the block and you’ll be left feeling both physically and mentally recharged.

If walking is not what you like, then try biking, gardening - anything that gets your moving

Learn to meditate. This doesn’t mean that you have to go to a mountain top retreat! It means that you find a quiet spot every day for 5 or 10 minutes of quiet reflection and deep breathing. When your loved one takes a nap, sit in a chair and practice deep breathing for relaxation. Find a beginner’s Yoga practice on DVD, online or through a television service. Yoga will relax your muscles, your mind and improve your energy levels.  Put calm music on your phone - you can do this anywhere

Think also about what feeds your energy and you feel excited to do

• Reading
• Watching a movie
• Hobby
• Lunch with a friend
• Taking some time off

Also think about what you’re doing.  Do you need to do everything?  Can you outsource or get help?  (ie: lawn work, housecleaning, running errands, etc)

One of the biggest mistakes most caregivers make is setting very high expectations for themselves.  They believe that they will figure this out and can do everything.  It may be true at the beginning but what happens over time is they lose energy - exhaustion sets in.  And when exhausted, you and I open ourselves us to many risk.  

• Stress which can lead to chronic stress with many health issues
• Makes decisions harder
• Thinking becomes harder
• Anger and resentment set in  
• Mood changes
• Withdrawing from others
• Mistakes, errors
• We don’t like the person we’ve become

Working on getting your energy back can take some time.  Focus on one thing until you get that done.  You will see differences.  

As a caregiver you are providing a beautiful gift to your loved one.  It should not be a job where you have to put yourself last.  Once you learn to put yourself first, you see that you show up as your better self with more energy and joy.    And I bet your loved one will notice it too.  

Listen to these episodes to take your caregiving to the next level:
➡️ https://www.cathylvan.com/episode100
➡️ https://www.cathylvan.com/episode60

CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration.
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