Many caregivers are much more lonely, isolated, or disconnected than others realize. This is caused by a withdrawal from their previous routines, lifestyles, and social activities in order to focus on their loved one. 

Often, caregivers can feel like they cannot set aside their caregiving responsibilities to connect with their friends as they used to. This is particularly the case for family caregivers such as a spouse or a daughter. This can lead to loneliness and depression.

In one of my earlier episodes, I talked about feeling lonely as a caregiver. So if you haven’t caught that go to cathylvan.com/eisode13 where I talk about 4 questions and tips to managing loneliness. 

One of the biggest challenges I hear from other caregivers is they feel isolated and lonely.  You might even say these words yourself:  "I feel like no one gets it."  "I feel so disconnected."  "I miss my old life."  Then you might even scroll social media feeling more isolated and even jealous of others enjoying life and you are stuck.      

Millions of women are thrust into the role of caregiver and almost always when they least expect it.  The giving of care can be the most rewarding experience ever, but it also can be exhausting, sad, and messy.  

You find yourself so busy that you don’t have time for anything else.  Juggling your job/business, household, family and caregiving is all you can handle.  Your Friday or Saturday nights now look like every other day.  Last Saturday night  I found myself folding laundry in my pjs at 7pm and paying the bills.     In the past, I would go out for a dinner and a movie or show.    It might be with just my spouse and sometimes we would hook up with friends.  Now I look at my “fun” clothes in my closet that I don’t wear and wonder if I will ever wear those clothes again.  

If I asked you what you want right now, what would you say?  Maybe it’s 

• I want my loved one to be get better so we can __________ or
• I want my old life back and miss ____________, or
• I want to go on a vacation and ____________, or
• I feel like I'm in auto-pilot and stuck?

Survey data from  National Library of Medicine Jan-Dec 2021showed that the majority of caregivers (83%) reported an increase in stress and feeling lonely (77%) during the pandemic.  

It’s easy to think you’re the only one facing the challenges of caring for a loved one especially when siblings or other family members don’t help or can’t relate. And the time commitment and scheduling requirements of caregiving often make it impossible to participate in your usual social activities.

Caregiver isolation and loneliness have serious implications on our mental and physical health.

What are the negative effects of being isolated?

Prolonged isolation can have a profoundly negative impact on your mind, mood and body. Research has shown that chronic social isolation increases the risk of mental health issues like depression, anxiety and substance abuse, as well as chronic conditions like high blood pressure, heart disease and diabetes.

Mental and physical health are interconnected. Social isolation's adverse health consequences range from sleeplessness to reduced immune function. Loneliness is associated with higher anxiety, depression, and suicide rates.

>>It’s important to be on the lookout for your social isolation in caregivers. Here are some things to consider:

• Have you stopped your usual social activities and routines?
• Do you seem to have dropped all other responsibilities outside of caregiving?
• Do you purposely avoid outside interactions if there are other ways?  And if you have to leave, do you feel anxiety or stress thinking about it?  
• Do you complain that your other family members are not helping enough?
• Are you always feel tired or worried?
• Do you have a chronic health condition such as depression, failing memory, or hearing loss?
• Are you declining time with friends even when you can make it work out?  

Trust me, I’ve been there several times.  I know I have shared this in previous podcasts but after I gained over 30 pounds I felt ashamed and embarrassed to connect with friends.  This past March was the first time in 9 month with my friend Denise and 6 months with my friend Julie that I connected with each of them.  It got easier to just say I was too busy or let’s wait until the holidays were over or my spouse was better.   

I had to admit to you and myself that I answered YES to all of the above questions I just mentioned.  I had Caregiver Isolation and I’m working on it each day.  

So how to you overcome it?  

Often, we get too caught up in our caregiver lives to make an effort to reach out to our friends & family

What can make things worse is that caregivers (you and I) who feel most isolated struggle with reaching out in the first place. Sometimes, you don’t want to be perceived as a burden. Some friends may feel that way and may even withdraw.   That’s ok.  But you need to reach out to someone.  Your true family and friends care.  

Make it a practice to reach out to others throughout the year. It benefits the people you connect with — and us as well.   

I can’t tell you how great it felt to talk about Julie’s cat and her volunteer work.   I can’t tell you how great it was to hear about Denise’s son, her teaching job and realtor success.   For months, I felt cut off from the fun things in the world.   

Social connection is essential for everyone – caregivers included. It is important for caregivers to look for or create opportunities for temporary respite from their duties in order to foster their connections to others.  Check out podcast episode 40 for lots of great info to find ways to take respite care. 

But another way for social interaction is joining a caregiver support group.  

• Local support groups or online support forums may help caregivers find common ground with other caregivers in similar situations and offer a feeling of community in the midst of their isolation.
• Reconnecting with their interests: Caregivers can use the time that you do have for themselves to participate in activities that make you feel renewed. Involvement in their own interests may help caregivers feel connected to their sense of self and help keep them in touch with your friends and loved ones.
• Talking to a therapist: Sometimes caregivers need more specialized support than a caregiver group can give, especially if they are experiencing depression or anxiety. Professional counselors are excellent resources who can help you better manage their caregiver roles.

This is a perfect time to share that I’m starting a The Caregiver Cup Circle which is another way to social connect with other women caregivers.  It will be a small group of 10 women who caring for a loved one.  We will meet two times a month for 3 months via Zoom.   We will connect and lift each other up.  The hope is that we can find tips and thoughts to reduce stress, keep our sanity and find ways to enjoy this caregiver life.   

One way to take care of yourself is to connect with community that can help you overcome your loneliness and struggles, as well as find joy each day.

The Circle starts May 10 and it only costs 27.00 monthly or save a bit and pay for all 3 months at 75.00.   The registration closes May 9.  So it you want to get in go to cathylvan.com/caregivercircle 

Reality is that caregiving is a long journey and there's no magical potion or quick fixes to make things easier.  But through a circle of caregiver friends that understand and get it, you can keep your sanity and find moments of joy. 

Listen to these episodes to take your caregiving to the next level:
➡️ https://www.cathylvan.com/episode13
➡️ https://www.cathylvan.com/episode40

CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration.
https://instagram.com/cathylynnvan/