This past week was pretty full and there were many things I look back at now and are grateful for.  Went to Top Gun with my Mom and Husband.  It was my Husband’s first movie theater setting since early 2020.   I would highly recommend it.  I connected with many caregivers this week.  Listening to each person’s story, struggles and courage continues to give me hope and purpose to keep sharing my podcast.  Had another Caregiver Cup Circle and this week we shared our resources we’ve found that help us with our mindset and routines.   I’m reading the Positive Shift and just bound The Boundaries Boss.   Caregiving is more than just the things we do, it’s the self-growth that we go through in our new normals.  I took my mom to her chiropractic appt.    We are getting her back on track with her focusing on staying healthy.   So now, we go every other Wednesday and then we get a chance to have dinner together.   I was a bit tired and she asked me if I was ok.   Well, I was taking a new business course the last couple weeks and little did I know a lot of the training was on mindset which I will share a bit about in this podcast today.   When you focus on those hidden belief about yourself, it really makes you really reflect on your inner self.  

As I went through the mindset work in the business work this week, I couldn’t but think about my fears.  One of my biggest fears is water since I can’t really swim well.  Don’t get me wrong I love walking on the beach and wading in a pool but if I ever had to swim in deep water, I doggie paddle and do whatever it takes to keep my head above water.  

Well way back in 2015, my husband and I trained for these 13 mile T ough Mudders.  Tough Mudders are military-like obstacle courses and between each one, you run.  I was all in for the running but the obstacle courses required a lot of strength and endurance training.  You had to climb walls and ropes, crawl under barbed wire in mud and do all that ninja warrior stuff you see on tv.   But there were two obstacles of water.  One was a jump in ice water and go under a wall and the other was walking out on a plank and jumping about 20 feet into a pond and swimming to shore.    

We did three of these courses in 2015.  I did fine in all 3 with the ice water barrel.  It was scary but fast.   But the walk the plank was the hardest. 

My first attempt was climbing the cargo ropes up to the plank.  My heart was beating.  But my spouse was right behind me and kept encouraging me.   We stood in line and the whole time, my inner voice was saying, you can’t do it.  It was my turn and I walked down this plank that was about 5 feet long but felt like 12.   There was a person down in the water there watching up and I looked down and my inner voice told me “you can’t do it”.  I heard everyone saying, Cathy, you can do it.  But guess what?   I didn’t try.  I walked back and climbed down the cargo net feeling defeated. I failed myself.  

How often do we let our fears take over us?  

As a caregiver, what fears stand in your way?  

Fear of feeling stupid (asking a questions).  Fear of making a caregiver mistake such as an important decision or task. Taking action to make caregiving decisions fails to happen when the fear of making a mistake is greater than the fear of success.  Fear is created in our brain and is supported by previous failures.

There are many reasons fear occurs in caregiving. There are also many side-effects of fear that include feelings of anger, resentment, and bitterness that increase caregiver stress. Fear piled on top of negative feelings reduces motivation to act.

Caregiving burnout contributes to fear of making caregiving mistakes. At a high level of caregiver stress, the brain shuts down and closes the door to decision-making, which is viewed to have more risk than benefit. Opportunities to improve a situation or to receive help are also quickly dismissed by the burned-out caregiving brain. The result is paralysis to engage in any activity viewed as threatening that may have a positive result. 

The second attempt came about 6 weeks later and I kept showing up to training.  I knew that it wasn’t training that I needed to jump off that plank.  It was my belief.  I had to believe in myself and overcome my fear.  

What was the story I was telling myself?  As a kid, I never passed my swim lessons.  I tried several times but couldn’t swim the length of the pool.  My friends would go to the pool just about every day and I avoided it.  I convinced myself that I was never going to be a swimmer but when I look back, if I tried harder and asked for extra help, I could have passed.  

What stories are you telling yourself as a caregiver?  I can’t enjoy coffee with my friends?  Or, things will never change?  VS  What can you do?  What is working?  What can you change?  

As for the 2nd walk the plank, I shifted my mind and knew I could walk the plank.  I could jump in the water.   I may not be able to swim but I could accept the help.    

Guess what,  I jumped (screaming all the way) and the life guard came to me with the floating device.   I jumped up and down on the shore after getting out of the water to celebrate and I slipped and plopped in the muddy shoreline but, it was the best feeling ever.  

Six weeks later we did our last Tough Mudder of the summer.   This time I was not letting my self-talk and beliefs tell me I couldn’t do it.  I took total control over each obstacle with more confidence and asked for help when needed.  I really thought I was doing these crazy obstacles to get into the best shape of my life but I now I understood that the Tough Mudders taught me how to handle challenges and struggles.  You are pushed to the extreme.  You help others succeed, you ask for help and cheer your team on.  

So in the “walk the plank” this time, I climbed the cargo net helping my team get to the top of the obstacle and cheered on each person as they jumped in and swam to shore.   I was not focused on just me this time.   And when I was ready to walk that plank,  I looked up and took a breath, smiled and jumped in.  Guess what ..  I swam to shore by myself.  Well,  doggie paddle style  and kicked my feet.  I cried as I was crawling up the shore.   

All it took was shifting my mindset and looking at the challenge differently.  It was hard but I didn’t allow my mind to shift to the negative or the “I can’t” side.  I didn’t allow myself to let fear or doubt or any other emotion stop me from doing it.    

I’ve been reading the book, The Positive Mindset and love the concept of the power of reframing.  

How could your reframe your thought process like my walk the plank the testing?  What’s one thing you don’t like doing?  Can you shift to a positive mindset? 

Now take the reframing to -the power of reframing stress. Think about a typical flat tire - do you panic and think the worst vs just a few minutes?   Many ppl think about stress as a negative and something to be avoided because it leads to poor outcomes  Stress is unavoidable but you can control how you think and deal with it.  

What can you to do reframe your stress outcomes? Here are mine:  

• Relax - breathing, visionary activities, meditation
• Moving your body
• Sleep
• Eating Healthy
• Journaling gratitude 
• Music
• Laughter
• Review and learn from each stressful response
• Self-compassion 

In this week’s business course,  I'm learning many process to move my Caregiver Cup Business but it was funny how much I learned about my own beliefs and thoughts that can be applied to being a caregiver.   We are capable of shift our thoughts and changing our stress if we believe.  We are capable of changing and shifting if you continue to practice.   

You may walk the plank with your challenge and turn around but…  you know what that change is and you are attempting to do it.   I was not ready to jump that day and had to figure out why I had that fear and what work I still needed to do.  

I had to let go of my fear of water.  What fears do you need to face and let go of.  What beliefs do you need to let go of.  You can shift your mindset if you believe it.  Your situation is hard and may not change.  But you have control of yourself.   If you are looking in the mirror with anger and resentment - ask yourself what do I believe?  What are true and What stories am I telling myself that are not true.  

Then walk your plank and when ready jump in.  You can ask for help.  I geek out on this transformation when my client get to this realization.   When they can see their anger or their guilt and understand why they feel this way give me huge chills.   It’s as if the door opens to them and they are ready to make changes.  This is a beautiful thing.  

To end today,  What does your caregiver life look like now?  What do your new normal look like  - that caregiver life you feel good about?  

Thank you for listening today.  I hope you found this helpful.  Give me a rating on your favorite podcast site.   Lastly, if you want to join a community where we continue to look at our challenges and find motivation to shift and take micro steps to a better caregiver life.  

Join the Caregiver Cup Circle  ❤️ https://www.cathylvan.com/caregivercircle
The small group meets every other Tuesday.  We would love to have you!

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