How do you show and not burn out.  If you haven’t listened to the last episode 116, I would recommend you pause this episode and listen to that one first.  

The big question is how do you prevent burnout or reverse it if you are already in burnout?   I WISH there was an owner’s manual walking us through the steps.  But each of us will take a different path since we are all in different situations, stages and we all have our own personalities and styles to get through it.    But what I can provide for you is tips, suggestions, ideas and insights to get you moving towards a better level of stress.  

Yes, I said stress.   Stress can be a good thing when managed properly.  

Before I get into stress and the whole burnout - let me share an example that relates

Back when my husband and I were in our early years of marriage, we bought our first, brand new car.   It was this tiny silver Chevette.   We needed something reliable, energy efficient and safe for our son.    We had to keep our payments low so we had to settle for shifting stick.   I never drove a stick shift - I watched my Dad drive one but it looked complicated.   I was so nervous and I learned to drive in  in a parking lot.  Then a busy street with lots of stop and go lights where cars were beeping at me and I felts so frustrated.  I just had to keep trying until I found my niche.

Then it was girls night.  I felt pretty confident since I  mastered driving through stop and go lights.   But wasn’t prepared for the hill.  I made several attempts while my passengers were laughing, making comments, and askign if maybe we should call my spouse.

Moral of the story:  As you look at your burnout, you're going to try things that work.  You are going to try things that don’t work.   It's not something that will come easy for you and you will want to quit and give in to burnout.   But when you continue to learn and be resilient, you will actually be able to make it work for you.  

Remember in the last session we talked about our thoughts, words and action.  Identifying your burnout is key.   Also being aware of your physical and emotional signs.    Or your lack of thoughts, actions or words.  

Figuring out the why will help you better understand how to reduce your burnout.  

You might be struggling to maintain a sense of purpose in working so hard to provide care, which leads to feelings of loneliness and being unappreciated, second-guessed, or criticized by other family members, friends and your Loved One.

And you're probably reluctant, unable or unwilling to reach out for help from others.  Isolation and  extreme energy loss are major signs of caregiver burnout.  When you're burned out, it's tough to do anything for you or anyone else. 

• Your first step is to focus and live in the burnout.  Feel it (good or bad), Sense it, Experience it.  Being in the present moment.  

• What does it feel like to you? 
• Do you like it? 
• Do you like yourself?  
• Are you dragging in the past or the future? 
• Is it heightening your stress levels.  

If you are constantly worried about what the future will hold for you or stress about the all the tasks you have to do later in the day, you aren’t living in the present.  

• Accept it.  You may not like where you are at or even want to accept it, but this is what is going on right now.  Our stress is coming from our responses or resistance to the event or circumstances happening.  Or lack of circumstances happening.If you accept it, you are no longer the victim to the stress.  You have the keys to the car
• Finding meaning.  There's a quote from Ed Mylett - "It’s not the events in our life - but the meaning we attach to it"  When things are challenging, taking a step back and finding that purpose and meaning.  That meaning comes from what we ask ourselves

Life is happening for you, not to you.  

Caregiving is a gift I get to give to my loved one.

• Energy management.  caregivers are tired.  Are you tired?   That’s why more than ever you need is to make sure you are protecting your time and energy.   Time is your most precious resource.  You only have x amount of time each day.  

Replenishing your energy is so important.   - routines, self-care - fill your cup - mentally and spiritually.   Are we recharging our battery to 100%.  You can’t be your best self when you are not dialed into protecting your energy and time.  

• What are you going to invest your time and energy into?  It comes down to 2 simple words - yes or no   What are you saying yes to and what are you saying no to.  
• People pleasers say yes by default which means I am saying no to something else.  This hour in time cannot be invested in anything else.   Learn to say no respectfully and know that saying no means it doesn’t align with your north star.    

Time is an investment.   We can’t rely on feelings and emotions and it’s not consistent.  It needs to align with our values.  

Now I could go into all the self-care habits that you could incorporate and they are definitely great tips and ways to move you out of burnout but to be honest you have to go deeper than that.  

• You have to want to move out of burnout and belief you can.  
•  You have to allow yourself time to learn how to do this.  It has taken me months to figure this out and to be honest - I am not completely there yet.   It’s so easy to go back into my burnout ways.  

I would suggest you start with quiet time 

One way is to do a visualization activity.   Let's do this together _ close your eyes (if you are driving or doing something, maybe your sit on a chair right now).

• What would your best caregiver self look like?   Your mood, energy, actions?  What do you look like?  Feel like?  What are you saying to your loved one?  Who is helping you right now -do you have a team of help?    What are you doing differently that is helping you show up as your best self?  (journaling, watching a movie with your loved one, coffee with a friend, or is it letting go of that stress)
• So visualize that stress ( what is it)  now visualize you just letting it go.   

Now visualization can also help you if you have stress for an upcoming challenge.   How many of you have drove a route to a doctor or looked at something ahead of time to reduce your anxiety.  (ie half marathon route, speaking event, anticipated argument)

Visualization has shown to reduce stress, increase your mood and energy and most importantly giving you control of your stress

Another quiet activity that you can do is meditation.  Practicing meditation is being in the moment and not letting their minds drift to various thoughts and concerns.  It leads better physical health.  People who practice meditation report fewer symptoms of illness and lower levels of pain.  

I am still a rookie at meditation but I look forward to my 5-10 minutes each day.  If I had to pick on thing I look forward to - it is meditation.  

The strategy for maintaning focus on the present day during the act of meditating lets people cope more effectively even while anticipating stressful events.   

We have only skimmed the surface of how to start on your path to reversing burnout.   

Stress is inevitable.  But ask yourself

• Am I creating this stress?
• What caused the stress?
• How do I respond to stress?
• Can I improve the stress going forward?  

Setting health boundaries is key to your personal well-being.  

Burnout can’t be reduced overnight and it may take many attempts to learn to dive in it.  You may also feel guilty, uncomfortable and more.   Just keep taking micro steps and celebrate each win.  

Reach out and find your support teams like family, friends and other caregivers.  

Download  ➡️   3 Stages of Caregiver Overwhelm 

Take the      ➡️ Caregiver Quiz

Join the Caregiver Cup Circle  ❤️ https://www.cathylvan.com/caregivercircle
The small group meets every other Tuesday.  We would love to have you!

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