Thank you for being a listener.  I hope you find my episodes helpful   If you ever have suggestions or ideas, please reach out to me and share.  I welcome all your feedback.   

Let’s get started.  

Many of my clients and caregiver questions want to talk about this topic - time management.   They  tell me: I have no time, I can’t manage my time, I have a to-do list that is too much and there is no time for me anymore now that I am a caregiver.  So today, I want to break this down:

• What is time management? 
• Why don’t caregiver have enough time?
• What the root cause is? 
• And most importantly, How do you management your time?  

First let’s define it…  Time management is making the most of the time you have.  Some of of use a calendar on the refrigerate or our phone calendar or a google calendar to track those appointments and dates.   Some of us have a notebook out each day with our to-do list or sit down in the morning and put everything that needs to be done on it.  Whatever you use to keep track of your time and what you have to do is a form of time management.

You have 24 hours in the day.  These are the times you have to work your job or business, time you have to take care of my loved one’s care whether that be doctor appointments, nursing needs, and finances.  You also have to get to clean the house, laundry, grocery shopping and more.   How can you get these done effectively?  How do you utilize that time?  That’s what time management is in our busy caregiver life.  

When I listen to my clients and Caregiver Circle, I can relate and most importantly empathize.   But I don’t want to start there today….  Since time management and feeling behind and not having enough time is actually a symptom or a sign of the condition.  

It’s not trying to fix the root cause.  Think about it like having a headache.  You can take of it and treat a the headache with a tylenol or two and it’s gone.  But if you get that headache back each day, you have to figure out the root cause.   Is it eye strain? Or your back is out of alignment? Or too much caffeine?  Or not drinking enough water?  If you just treat the symptom, it will keep coming back.  

Treating the symptom or bandaging it is a great option for now and can help us get through a hard season but it’s not a long term solution. 

Long term solutions are not easy and can be hard and even take a long time.   Some of us find it too hard or just easier to gravitate to the easy fix (me included).   The easy fix is where we see instant relief and feel better.  

The long term solution happens over time and takes work, effort and sometimes is frustrating because all we want is it to be fixed now.    

But when you really look at the root cause of your stress, it’s not really a time management issue - is it?  This is something we all struggle with.  It comes down to our health and not taking care of ourself.  When we take care of our loved one and fit everything else in,  what falls to the way side is our health.  

Think about it when you are rushing around trying to get everything done, you’re pushing yourself to hurry knowing that you have to cook the dinner, make a couple phone calls and get your loved one’s meds. 

When you are staying up late trying to get your work done, because you couldn’t during the day due to doctor appointments, you are sacrificing your own sleep.

When you overcommit and have to pick between yourself and your loved one, your loved one will win.  

So before we talk about better managing your time, we have to talk about better taking care of yourself.    

Now I think about this as a foundation in our lives. 

• What is the core of your life? 
• What is the thing that needs the most care so that everything runs functionally?  

Your phone won’t just keep running without your help.  It needs to be recharged every night.   You need to pay attention to the updates and run them.   You need to clear out your extra screens.  Think about when your phone locks up….   It’s a warning you have to reboot it - turn it off and turn it back on.  It’s tell you to take care of me.  

The core foundation = is life management.  It has to start with you. You will have to take care of yourself or nothing else works. You can do all the things for your loved one and find this magical strength to do it all.  You can be at all the doctor’s appointments, manage all the medication, do all the financial and insurance claims and feel like you got it all.  But if you don’t take care of yourself, at what cost is that for you.  There will be a day when you look in the mirror and see what this “all in” life has done for you - physically, emotionally, financially and/or socially.   

But every single day we have some control over ourselves.  We can choose to take care of ourselves to the best of our abilities.  

So if you tell me you are taking care of your loved one, doing it all and figuring it out.  I will ask you “what about you”?   I am worried for your health.  At what point do you stop and say - at what cost is caregiving doing to me.   

Please don’t get me wrong,  caregiving is a beautiful gift and you love your spouse, parent, sibling or whoever you are caring for.  But you cannot do it all.  And if you think you can or have to, I want to ask you  WHY.    Something is twisted or wrong if you think this way.   It’s not healthy for your loved one and you.   

It reminds me of when I started my subscription box business,  I was so excited to try something different.  Something that would be fun and creative.  So I bought this course that promised to teach me everything I needed to know and it was really go.  So the first night I sat down and dove into the course. I made myself a pot of coffee and stayed up until 11-12.   I had to learn technologies and process that I never knew before.  I would beat myself up for not getting it and having to rewatch a video 2-3 times.    I would talk to myself in negative ways to say, get going, why can’t you get this,  you should be farther along.   Guess what,,,  those negative thoughts and emotions worked for me.  And… I let them in.   It’s so dangerous.  It teaches up that in order to get results, you have to force yourself physically and negatively to get the results you need.  This learned behavior (one of many)  then transferred into my caregiver life.  Just a simple thought,  how many times do you convince yourself that tomorrow you will be better?  Maybe you didn’t get something done or you responded emotionally or truly lost it?    

After listening to Rachel Hollis’ podcast last week, she shared this…  Have you ever come into your life from a place of energy and love for yourself which will get you results?   Instead of believing you are in this terrible reality and are not good enough?  

So I want to say to you, my friend, my beautiful caregiver - if you’re abusing yourself (physically, mentally, socially, spiritually) to get a result,  There is a better way.  There is a better way that doesn’t hurt you and I think ppl don’t pursue it since you don’t get the stress hormones in your body when you are coming from a place in a calm manner meaning healthy thoughts and actions.  You get the adrenaline when you push yourself and you see yourself getting through it.  

But what if you can be an effective caregiver and get everything done in a good way?  That doesn’t hurt your system and hurt yourself.  

I am finding out when I take care of myself and stay grounded, I am a much better person.  I am a much better caregiver.  I am a much better business owner.  It comes from a place of love for myself and it lays a foundation of self-management.   Making sure the foundation is you - you can’t just have love for others.  You can’t just have love for the work.  You have to have love for yourself.  

So let me ask you a very hard questions…. 

• Are you sacrificing yourself right now?   I know you feel it’s the right thing to do but it’s not healthy.  

It requires a lot of self-reflection.  You need to feel happiness and joy even in the hardest times of your life.  

Here’s another way of thinking…  What examples are you setting for your children?  I look at my boys and their spouses and I want them to be kind to themselves.  I want them to put themselves first.   It’s not an easy belief to do, especially for women.  

Are you able to look in the mirror and say, I love you.  You are amazing and deserve to be loved everyday.  

If you continue to keep going at the pace you are going and doing it all.  Meaning staying up late, saying yes to everything and overcommitting to your time - it will result in burnout.  Burnout can be seen in many symptoms like emotions (anger, resentment, sadness).  Burnout can feel like exhaustion and no being able to get out of bed - life is becoming a chore.  Burnout can be when you go in to the doctor and they tell you, you have high blood pressure, cardiac issues or IBS and you were completely healthy a year ago.   Burnout could be you want to just run away and can’t take it anymore.  

But why is it you continue to pursue and continue doing the same caregiver routine when you know it’s not working for you?   There is no joy inside you anymore.  You don’t recognize the person you are anymore.  

The reason I say this is that I have been there and still reach these points occasionally.   

How can you make the beautiful caregiving work that you are doing align with the person you are or want to be?  How does that align with your values that you hold to your heart?   

Have you ever thought about what that would look like?  What would that feel like?  

I am closing in my 5th year of a caregiver.  When it started with my Dad and Spouse, I never thought about anything but jumping into caregiver mode.  But when the symptoms started coming, I could tell that I was not taking care of myself.  Like most caregivers, I ignored them and then started putting myself on hold.  My passion, my goals, my morning routines, my enjoyment and more.  It caught up to me and I was going through the motions and doing that quick fix to survive.  After my Dad passed, I was thrust into helping my Mom with her transition and care.     Eventually I took a breath and realized I couldn’t keep doing what I was doing.  

I now see the importance of a morning routine.  I now do meditation, journaling and reading.  I think I have said this in other podcasts, but caregiving is a self-growth process. 

So when you think about your foundation - what is that for you?  

Think about the first foundation for you:  your health, your emotions, spirituality, your care, 

The second foundation is your relationships (spouse), family

Then the next piece on your foundation may be financial - work and money, passions, goals

Then your next stack is caregiving

So envision a pyramid going up.  Right now your pyramid may be upside down and the point is on the bottom - well is won’t balance like that and will fall.    You need a strong foundation to build on.   

If I go one step further - my instinct is that you keep putting your caregiving 1st and you’re so deep that it’s hard to move that foundation.  You don’t believe you can see it anymore.  

But it really taking baby steps and start with one small routine.  It may be going to bed early.   I had to do this recently with Denis’ going back to work.  My new puppy hears him and now it’s a 4am wake up call.   It was so hard to adjust too and the simple solutions was to go to bed at 9pm each night    It took about 4 weeks to adjust but now I have this early morning time and I have found so much pleasure in my morning routine.  

When you focus on you it’s going to give you more energy.  It’s like a well oiled machine, like a car.  When you take care of yourself, everything will go smoother, faster and easier.  

Now let’s talk about actual time management.  It’s a great question everyone has.  Let’s start the most important step first!!!   

1. Who do you really want to be?  How do you want to show up as a caregiver?  If you look back 5 years from now at your caregiver life, what does it look like?  If you were taking care of yourself and focusing on your foundation, what kind of person did you become?  You need to know what you are working on in the present.  Because you can’t properly manage your calendar and your life without knowing how you want to show up and what you want to do each day.     In my opinion and experiences, it just can’t be about the grind and just surviving - you will not be able to manage.  Set a goal for yourself.  Set a vision for yourself.   I want to show up the best for my Mom.  I want to show love to my spouse, not just be a nurse or a chauffeur or a housekeeper.    If you just go harder, you will be miserable. You will be burnt out.  You will be stressed and full of anxiety.    It’s ok to slow down and take care of yourself.  

If you are having a hard time with that - journal it out, talk to someone (coaching), caregiver circle, vision board.    

2.  Once you are ready and know how you want to show up and have your priorities in tact - , then you can start managing your calendar.   Start small.   What can you do to start on your journey.    Morning time.  Lunch time.  

3.  Where can I find efficiencies?   Refer to Episode 20:  Caregiver Hacks to Find More Time and Episode 25:  Pruning your caregiver challenges and overwhelm 

4.  Ask for help.  Episode 59: The importance of recharging each day  and Episode 96:  Why asking for help is hard

5.  Find your focus

Now set a reminder to yourself  and check in (weekly, monthly, quarter) 

If I was coaching you - we would call this your follow up process.  We would set goals to work on (eating, walking, and/or journaling).  Then I would check in with you to see if you’ve done it and what changes do you feel

If I am to be a better caregiver, I need to get a good night sleep

If I am to be a better caregiver, I need to let go of the grocery shopping

You fill in the blank.  If I am to be a better caregiver I need to ___________ or I need to let go of ________

I would encourage you to set a goal each month.  Then lay out a plan for each week.  

Let’s say it’s spending time with my family.   I know I have to be a caregiver but I want to spend one day with my kiddos.  Then I need to make a plan.  

To close, notice when you get stressed - maybe it’s a new challenge or a new problem.   This is a new distraction or obstacle that will take you off your game.   What does that do to your time management.  You lose focus. 

You can show up for your loved one better when you show up for yourself first.  

Join the Caregiver Cup Circle  ❤️ https://www.cathylvan.com/caregivercircle
The small group meets every other Tuesday.  We would love to have you!

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