Welcome to another episode of The Caregiver Cup Podcast.  In today’s podcast, we’re going to continue our discussion on chronic stress by understanding our thoughts a bit more as well as ways to dysregulate the nervous system’s responses to our stress and beliefs.  

Figuring out caregiver chronic stress and ways to overcome the burnout is a marathon not a sprint.  It also is a learning process.   

When I was training for half marathons, it took me trying different running shoes until I could find the right one that worked for me.  I tried new routes to run to reach my potential.   I had to test what food to eat and what time would work best to eat.  I think you get the picture.  Same applies to you and me when figuring out chronic stress.  

If you haven’t listened to Episode125 yet, please pause this and listen to first.   

Have you thought through and paid attention to your body and mind’s responses to your stress and challenges?  Awareness is the first step to filling your cup and improving how your body and mind responds to stress.   

When we enter the fight-or-flight mode, the cascade of stress hormones activates our body to pump out chemicals which create more inflammation.  Our nervous system - and our unconscious addiction to keeping it in a highly activated state - is at the heart of many of our psychological and physical symptoms.  

Understanding why the nervous system becomes dysregulated - and realizing that stress reactions take place outside our conscious control - can help normalize these behaviors and explain why so many of us feel alone when we’re in a crowded room, why we put substances into our body to numb our natural physiological responses, why we lash out, run away or disengage.  

As I researched more on this chronic stress topic and how our body responds, I started looking deeper into our thoughts and beliefs.  

We tell ourselves stories in order to live and survive, especially in this challenging season of caregiving.  Sometimes these stories are based on our past experiences, childhood, our cultures, religions and more.   And these are never updated and don't reflect our reality.  I think about myself, who was the oldest child and raised to be the quiet, conservative, responsible one,  even though I am no longer quiet and conservative. 

We may tell ourselves stories as a way of  self protection

But in the last few months, I’ve been working on creating and practicing my own beliefs. Practicing beliefs that I feel grounded, positive and healthy for me.  When you practice these beliefs they become who we are and true.  When a belief is repeatedly validated, it becomes our core belief.  Core beliefs are the deepest perceptions about our identity.  They attach to our subconscious  

Think about these beliefs of you……… i”m smart,  I’m talented.  I’m a good listener.  I’m great at asking questions.  I’m a high achiever.  I’m a people pleaser.  I’m introverted.  I’m not good at nursing.  I can't say no.  I do whatever it takes.  

Many of our core beliefs are shaped and formed from traumas.   

Once a core belief is formed and  becomes natural and you engage in what’s called confirmation of bias.  You believe it as truth and if the situation or thoughts try to contradict it, you dismiss it or better yet, you lean into a negative bias.  

Think about if you forgot to pick up your loved one’s prescription or forgot an upcoming appointment.   You are trying to juggle everything (work, home, caregiving and more) and you totally forgot.    You then start self-sabotaging yourself   ie: I’m bad,  I’m not organized,  I’m unreliable.  

This bias is hardwired into our psyche and out of our conscious control.  

Just like our fight or flight response, this bias is built into our operating system at the psychological level and is largely out of our conscious control.  If we weren’t able to filter and prioritize  sensory input, we would be constantly overwhelmed by all the info - especially this crazy caregiving life we live in.   If your bain takes in all of the stimuli at the same time, it couldn’t function.    

Our subconscious filtering is the work that sorts it all out.  

Negative things happen - one right after another.  (you don’t see anything positive happening.  

So today - you can start shifting your core beliefs  (do the work) - journal is the best way and here are some prompts

• Notice and be aware of your thoughts throughout the day
• About yourself
• About your loved one
• About family and friends
• About your thoughts from the past
• About your present - your situation, daily habits, etc
• About your future or thoughts of it.  

It’s important to recognize it -   your experiences of confusion, anxiety, anger, depression, lost, hopeless as well as when you feel joy, happiness and love.    Our beliefs are incredibility powerful.  

About a month ago, I was angry and resentful.  I was so burnout out from the who stem cell transplant and didn’t know how to get back to normal.  I noticed my negative thoughts were impacting everything.  I was afraid of the stem cell outcome and the loss of my dog.  and I couldn’t calm down my chronic stress.  I was trying to follow all the things to dysregulate my CNS / vagus nerve, but nothing was working.   What I was missing was my core beliefs.    I needed to create a new belief.  

• Once you understand your beliefs are just practiced thoughts, you can then create a new belief and begin to practice it.  
• You have to identify the belief you want to change and make it your new mantra.  

I actually have 2 that I write in my journal each day.  

• I live in the present
• I am grounded and calm

Once you identify your new daily manta, your new belief, recite it each day.  Write it on your mirror.  Work on shifting your thoughts and activating the confirmation bias.  

It’s hard work and it will take time to retrain your brain.   I catch myself worrying about the “what ifs” or stressing about tomorrow’s tasks and I have to keep reminding myself to live in the present.  

As you continue to work on your core beliefs, you can incorporate ways to dysgenerate and start working on retraining your vagus nerve.   The two go together like peanut butter and jelly.  

• Assess your responses to stress by journaling out your 
• emotional symptoms (shame, guilt, mood swings, anger, fear, panic, aggression, anxiety, etc
• Shutdown symptoms (can’t focus, numb, fog, fear of speaking up, give up, etc)
• Physical symptoms  (sleep, shaking, headaches, aches, pains, digestive issues. 
• Tension symptoms (teeth grinding, exhaustion, chronic fatigue
• Social symptoms:  avoidance, fear of abandonment, clinginess or you can’t be alone, social anxiety, withdrawal.  

• Find practices that can restore balance to your nervous system.  It will be a test and experiment time until you find what works by trying and assessing.  You will want to consider the season you are in and what the best habits and routines will work for you.  Here are a few habits/routines I’ve tried or researched.  I am sure there are more and if you have some, don’t hesitate to reach out. 
• Meditation   (guided, visualization, relaxation and more)   Insight Timer, Calm or find meditation music on Google and Spodify - guides your body and mind to a path of healing
• Deep Chest Breathing - doing breath work engages the autonomic nervous system
• Find nature and witness it (sun, wind)  Nature is a natural balance of your nervous system and give us a reset.  
• Sleep - most of us don’t get consistent good sleep.  When we sleep our body repairs itself.  This is when our gut gets a chance to take a break from digestion, our brain washes itself, and our cells regenerate.  Sleep is the time for ultimate healing.  
• Be conscious of your consumption of information.  When you consume info, your nervous system consumes it too.  Be mindful of how you feel,  Do you feel replenished and restored or depleted an fearful? You may need to disconnect from things and people when you recognize your symptoms
• News
• Gossip
• Toxic relationships
• Facebook
• Cold therapy  - it can challenge and tone the vagus nerve
• Food and drink choices - when stressed many of us eat based on how we feel.  There is tons of research and information on healing your gut and fueling your body and mind.    I won’t get into all of it, but eating whole, nutrient-dense food is the quickest way to improve your gut health to support your microbes and maintain a healthy gut wall.  
• But don’t forget about the obvious one - movement and exercise.  
• Any activity challenges your mind and body and reduces the risk of cardiovascular disease, dementia and more
• Yoga however is the exercise that directly activates the vagus nerve by combining the power of movement and breaths
• Play - sometimes we forget the the happy freedom of doing something for mere enjoyment.  
• Painting drawing, crafts, 
• Movie, play, laughter
• Singing, music, Dancing
• Cooking
• Game night

I’m hoping this information and habits will help you on your road to reducing your chronic stress.  Every one of us is unique and different and you have to find what works best for you.  

Chronic Caregiver Stress is stress that occur over time and is constant.   The good news is that you can find ways to reduce it and how it affects your body and mind.  You can control it.  You have a choice.  

Check out the Caregiver Cup Circle  ❤️ https://www.cathylvan.com/caregivercircle. The small group meets every other Tuesday.  We would love to have you!

If you are interested in 1:1 support  ➡️  DM Cathy at @cathylynnvan

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